Dating The Girl Your Mother Recommends

daltongirl Asked...
Here's my next question. Only it's going to involve you going to my blog to look at a picture, b/c I don't know how to post a photo on a comment. Maybe you can't even do it. But that's not my question. You can speak to that if you want, but it's not the real question. The real question is: Is this (on my blog) shirt "gay"? I bought it for daltonboy, jr., and was so proud, because he likes wearing wacky stuff, and when I showed it to him he said, "Cool." And then I asked, "Will you wear it?" and he said, "No. It's gay." I guess one question would be, "Why would he say 'cool,' and then say he wouldn't wear it?" but what I really want to know is, is it actually a shirt that a teenager should not wear to school for any reason? And if not, why not? Because DBJ claims that if my Internet friends approve of the shirt, he will wear it. So don't feel pressured. I just want an honest answer. If you think it's a shirt that only a RPG freak would wear, please specify. Because that would carry a lot of weight with DBJ. If pewter-dragon-figurine-carrying individuals would really look cool (to other PDFCIs) in the shirt, he will love it.

Stupid said...
I’m glad you asked Dalton girl—because, well, I need to feel needed.

The shirt in question is fairly attractive—if you are into the whole Don Ho thing. Me, I’m not. I had to wear matching Hawaiian shirts in public one time and I am still traumatized by it.

First of all, the word is not “gay” it’s “heterophobic.” So tell your jr. namesake that he needs to be more sensitive to the feelings of shirts everywhere.

Second, the shirt itself is not a problem. It’s the wearer. Look at it this way: Rick Moranis and Christopher Reeves could wear the same outfit, and you would think RM was a real nerd and CR was just hiding behind a nerd costume waiting for a greater call. Then a situation would arise and he would turn into Superman and thrash the evil-doers with his non-lethal capturing techniques from Krypton.

So ask yourself: Is daltonboy jr. a Rick Moranis or a Christopher Reeves?

Also, is db jr. a trendsetter normally? Does he present himself everyday in a way that people would look at and say, “Hey, I want a hairdo like that.” Or “I gotta get me some bell-bottomed, double-knit polyester?” If he is a trendsetter or popular, people will probably get on board or think it’s cool.

If he is NOT a trendsetter, I unequivocally and unabashedly caution you not to force him to wear the shirt. The shirt is not in style now, nor will it be in style in the future UNLESS a trend-setting, popular type brings it back.

Additionally, mothers have a way of choosing that usually leads to either A) awkwardness or B) ridicule. For all the young men out there: don't wear clothes or date girls your mother chooses. Mothers have a skewed sense of reality when it comes to boyhood.

So db jr. could fall on either side of the shirt situation, but I hope to walk down the street one day and see him wearing it. I will make my assessment then. For now, I’m thinking that you might want to make him a three piece suit out of the carpet pictured with the shirt…

Stupid

(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read.