Belch for your life

Limon asked…
When is it acceptable to belch? I have relaxed into burping around girls at times. Some find that it signifies a comfort level that pleases them. Some, obviously, are not so pleased. Also, I saw a guy walking around campus let loose a big one, and it became clear that in most cases, it is really quite disgusting. So, again, when is it acceptable to burp?

Stupid said…
It is always acceptable to belch. Sure, Mrs. Etiquette Manner Nazi may tell you different; but do you really want to take your advice from a cranky nag like that, or do you want to get your information from Stupid?

In mixed company is always the best place to initiate new friends to the belch. Try to wait for a lull in the conversation, and then let out a long loud one—full throttle! When friends and associates are exposed to the loud ‘Brrraaaawww’ that is a Limon Belch, you will begin to realize who your real friends are.

Some may leave your ‘A-list’ circle of friends, but you don’t need them anyway. And a lady who will not support your emissious noisiness should not get your support.

I should have tried the belch-away-the-haters method of eliminating friends a couple of years ago. Alas I was too afraid to try it. Instead, I moved and didn’t give anyone my address or phone number. My real friends had to come to my place of employment or do other sorts of work to reach me. I have lost touch with a few friends because of it, but not nearly enough.

So belch away Limon! And let your quasi friends know you are mad as hell and you’re not going to take it anymore…

Stupid

(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way, you will have more to read.)