Throw a Stench in the Works

Lilly asked…

Dear Stupid:

My co-workers and I are calling on your advice for a very serious problem that we face every day. Our Manager stinks. Literally. It is an unimaginable stench, and we can't even figure out what causes this horrible smell. We have tried numerous air-fresheners and candles, but to no avail...it still stinks in our office. How, may we ask, do we tell him that he STINKS without being fired, as he is our superior. We can't take it anymore. We need your help.

Stupid said…

I think the best way to say something unpleasant to someone is to hire someone else to do it.

Because I am a colossal pansy, as I am sure I have mentioned before, I do not directly confront people when they need confrontation and I have something unpleasant to say to them. Instead I imagine I can fly away and they are being chased by bees. Then I wish in my heart that they will be stung, but not be allergic to the venomous little bat turds.

Or you could send him anonymous emails from an account that is A) anonymous and B) temporary. Set up the account, send a few emails from it, and then terminate the account. You can also use this method to send an anonymous package containing all sorts of toiletries, and a gallon of that cheap cologne.

Or if that doesn’t work, check his skin folds for halves of sandwiches that have fallen in there.

I truly think the best way would be to tell him that sometimes the odors emanating from his body are offensive. He would have to be an incredibly small person to fire you over that. AND things would probably be strained at work for a while. But the problem would be solved and you will have bettered someone’s life—yours—and his.

Or try the bee thing—it’s AWESOME!...

(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read—and that’s what we all want, more to read.)