12. A 'Little' Problem

th. asked…

Stupid---

I dreamed I asked you a question the other night and did realize until this morning that it was only a dream.

I don't remember what it was, but feel free to answer it anyway.

Stupid said…

Thanks th. I’d be happy to try and respond the best I can.

Unfortunately I don’t know much about the Olsen twins—other than that I have gained an Olsen twin worth of weight since HS graduation. I keep it near my kidneys. I DO have the email address for Raven Symone Courtesy of one Eric Snyder, but no Olsen twins—Sorry. I’ll try to summarize the Olsen twins:

In the late 80’s a show called CHiPs was waning. Producers needed a ‘new CHiPs’ to substitute because poor-old Erik Estrada just wasn’t fetching the ratings anymore. Full House was born. Bob Saget was hot young talent and seething good looks rolled into one. Singlehandedly, he saved television; that’s a different story I shant explore unless asked.

To round out the cast: John Stamos, Beach Boy and supermodel husband; Dave Coulier, funniest comedian on the circuit and stand in voice for Bullwinkle; Candace Cameron, Sister to mullet-wearing Kirk Cameron who longed to be Vicky on Small Wonder; Jodie Sweetin, the sweetinest little tooth-losing girl EVER; Lori Loughlin, Star of RAD and all-around sweetheart; and Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen co-starring AS THE VERY SAME PERSON.

Apparently, they were persnickety children and had a hard time behaving, so they used the both of them depending on which one wasn’t crying or spitting up (one of them became very good at spitting up, I’m told.) They were adorable. Called on to say things like “I’m finkin’ about it” and “Shame on you,” they became instant hits. I guess two wrongs DO make a right.

As their popularity grew, Full House’s popularity was waning. People were not ready for the genius of Full House, and eventually the show was cancelled. Fortunately for literally dozens of us true fans, the Olsens moved into straight-to-VHS filmmaking and started plotting ‘Operation Oprah Overthrow’ or OOO by amassing more cash than has ever been possessed by any underage kid in the history of the world ever.

That’s when the Elvis-like degeneration happened, and lately the pair have been spotted hanging out with friends in stead of with each other—the shame. Also, One of them has ‘small’ problem with anorexia and the other also has a ‘small’ problem too (although without the anorexia.) I couldn’t tell you which is which though, because I can’t tell them apart without seeing the shoulder tattoos. Join their message board now!

Now they are Freshmen at NYU livin’ in the dorms and eating cafeteria food. Soon they will be starring in Booze Hounds, a self-written story about two little girls who didn’t need college anymore...

(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read—and that’s what we all want, more to read.)