14. Pincers of Peril

Daltongirl asked…

Same question as Savvymom. I've been wondering about that for a loooooooong time.

Also, "Poison is the kind of thing you’re not supposed to touch
Old prescriptions, cleaning stuff, or spider bites and such . . ."

I touched a spider bite once. What should I do?

Stupid said…

As you can see, Daltongirl, I have answered Savvymom’s question in the previous entry. Let’s explore the poison control song’s message:

(In my regular blog, I referenced a Public Service Announcement from the poison control center. Read the entry here. The lyrics to the catchy jingle the Poison Control Center uses include the lyrics quoted above by Daltongirl.)

It’s a question of semantics. “Poison is the kind of thing you’re not supposed to touch…” What does it mean? Everyone knows we are supposed to stay away from poison, but does it have a second meaning. Should we avoid the topic of poison? Is the topic ‘poison’ taboo? Does the mere mention of poison inspire some people to go out and use it even MORE because it is forbidden?

“…Old prescriptions…” I believe this has less to do with prescriptions that are old as it has to do with prescriptions for old people. Who knows what old people are taking these days? Malcontentanol—the feel good drug for our negative seniors? Aportlymanisindahouse—the weight loss drug for senior men? Or Geriactinupagain—the Ritalin for AARP members?

“…cleaning stuff…” I think you heard the jingle wrong, Daltongirl. It says “clinging stuff,” not “cleaning stuff.” My rule is: throw whatever ‘stuff’ you have against a wall. If it clings, it’s poison.

“…or spider bites and such…" Couldn’t a bite refer to the arachnid mouth? I’d stay away from that too. It didn’t do Frodo any good--did it?. Stay away from the Spider’s biter is what I say. If in the off chance that the Poison Control Center is saying we are not supposed to touch the red welt left by a spider that bites a person, I’d generally follow that advice.* Spyder bites are a different matter altogether…

*Disclaimer: besides the wording in the jingle, I have not found any indications on the internet if spider bite welts are dangerous in themselves. Me? I just scratch ‘em. They itch.

(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read—and that’s what we all want, more to read.)