15. Tongues A Million

Mandi asked…

Dear Stupid,

I am currently babysitting a 4yr old boy who doesn't enunciate very well. He sounds like he's talking with a huge wad of gum in his mouth and he also uses Him/Her & He/She improperly- meaning he never uses he/she- EVER.

What makes some children pick up language/speach very well, and others not so much?

Stupid said…

Let’s be frank, Mandi—babysitting is not a term we should use when talking about our own children. I believe it’s more PC to say ‘caring for.’

I was taken to the speech pathologist in my elementary school when I was 6. They told me it was because they needed me to help some of the kids say their R’s, but I found out much later they thought I was having seizures or something. According to my sources, I would pause abruptly while reading out loud in class—sometimes in the middle of words. So they sent me there so they could figure out why I was pausing. If they would have just asked me, I could have told them that my eyes were reading the text much faster than my mouth could speak it, and the result was a pause while I found my place. Oh and sometimes I would get sidetracked during the pause with an occasional bout of ADHD—but that’s beside the point.

I do have to agree with the informed comment of one Jessica Benet who claims that’s how he says it because that’s how he hears it. Or maybe he’s just four (4), and hasn’t learned lingual motor skills. Or maybe he has an oversized tongue (see photo). Or, possibly, it’s the peanut butter.

There is a condition called Dysarthria that is sometimes a result of disease; the child should be diagnosed by a professional, but I’m guessing you could do the diagnosis yourself with a little research.

At any rate, I think we can all agree that you can easily solve the problem by taking the marble out of young Johnny’s mouth. Going ‘Henry Higgins’ (Rex Harrison, My Fair Lady, 1964) on the child won’t make him learn to speak British any faster. After that, if slurry speech continues, seek medical help. I suggest taking the child to a physician without his parents’ permission—sneak it in behind their backs (That’s in the babysitter’s manual.)

(Oh, and I was just kidding about taking the child to the doctor without the parents' permission.)

(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read—and that’s what we all want, more to read.)